$$Wedding$$

Let me start out by saying ::SIGH:: We are down to the wire. This was the time I wanted to be done with everything wedding related & enjoying the little butterflies with my husband-to-be. Alas, the procrastinator in me won over.

We do not have the vendors we should have had 4 months ago. Food for our guests is still just an idea. I still have several DIY projects that our haunting me. I can't sleep at all at night. I toss and turn and think about all my daunting projects and to do list. My lack of sleep at night means I sleep until noon the next day. Sleeping all morning means I lack motivation to do anything. That means no painting wooden "I DO" letters. No calling to set up appointments. No endless typing on the computer. I HATE THIS WEDDING!

And don't give me that, 'It'll all be worth it in the end.' That's BS as far as I'm concerned. I always just wanted to go to the courthouse & get it over with. I have never been the kind of girl to dream about her wedding day. The only reason I'm really excited is because our families will all be there.

Don't get me wrong. I love J. I can't wait to be his wife. But why does it have to be such a horse & pony show? I don't care about aisle runners or centerpieces. I just want to marry him.

In the beginning I had these ideas of a big gorgeous detail-oriented wedding. Now all I care about is drinks & entertainment. I don't care about cake toppers. I just care that everyone is well fed & having a good time. I don't care anymore that people say it's the best wedding they've ever been to. All that matters is I know that it'll be the best wedding we've ever been to.

I just got off the phone with our rental company. It is now the time to shell out the thousands that have been safely stowed away in our savings. I hate seeing that huge number going down. It's making me sad. I'm thinking about all the things we could do with that money. Things that don't last for one day. Things that last a lifetime. Things like our marriage, which isn't dependent on how much money we spend on the one day it becomes official.

Thanks for letting me rant.